Sunday, March 21, 2010

Surviving the 2nd Week...

Omg....oh well, ya know I always wonder why people
do feel depress, I understand now that some people
just don't know how to relax,be alone and be happy
at the same time....

I am probably one of those people who loves
to be alone once in a while, but I do love to entertain,
and have great company here and there..

But its always been important to me, to have
my "Me" time...

And in my situation right now, its so freaking hard.

I am not exactly extremely busy everyday, its just
living in a big house, with the organizing and all that
chaos of everyday life is too much already just to have
only 24 hours a day...i love to wake up as early as 6am,
but i would just love to be in bed by at least 10pm.

But that's not always the case.
I have to take care mom first, Ozzie, second.
And that all whatever you can think of bed time routine.EVERYDAY.

There were times that my body just gave up while
I am on the couch waiting for her to say:
"I'm off to bed now", then I get excited!
Because I am looking forward each day, try to have
a quiet evening, just me writing my journal and gratitude book,
or catching up with my fave program on the computer
or just reading some of my fave book or magazine.

Again, as much as I wanted to do this every night.
I can't.
Sometimes I just want to go to bed right away.
My sleep is always a priority.
I need to have a good hours of sleep so I won't get
crabby the next day...
And in my situation right now, I don't know
how many times I bite my tongue, hold back my tears,
count one to ten, take the deepest breath, and just
trying to dig down how much patience I got deep inside me..

Days becoming so slow these days...
I feel bad, I feel strong, I feel different kind
of emotions every single day...

I keep asking my self, what am I really doing?

And if I question my self about, is this fair for me?

Of course the answer will always be the crunchy NO.

But...knowing in my heart I am totally doing the right thing.
without expecting anything in return, I really believe
that I am such a super human ha ha hah.

oh yah, why? try to be in my position for one day?

Not fun. But sometimes doing the right thing doesn't always
mean fun and convenient...I just always tell my self...

This just part of the challenge, once you made this,
whatever comes your way in the future will be totally
a piece of cake..yum!

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