i can't define my emotion.

seriously. I have been having a hard time
dealing with my emotions lately.
for the first time in a long time,
i feel like...

mix of stress.fear.confusion.

i am trying to find my self.

but i guess, its too hard at this point.
because I am busy.physically exhausted
most of the time at the end of the day..

i once said to my friend that I feel
of crying, ya know that you really
really wanted to cry ...but.
I am too tired, I am just gonna
go to bed instead.try to have
a good night sleep.

I thought that would be better.
It was not really.

I was tired when i get up.
then that feeling of crying again still there.

but then again I can't.

i need to start my day and trying
really really hard to smile a lot.
its hard to smile when you don't feel
like it.

but i don't have to show to the whole
wide world that I feel somehow sad.

she does not have to know.
its gonna make both of us two miserable soul.
and it would not make any sense.

oh well....
waiting...